Embracing the I'mpossible
by justagirlwithwordyideas
Summary: Sometimes, things we don't plan on happen. Sometimes, things we deem impossible prove possible. Amber never planned on getting pregnant, but one disastrous night things change. Thank God she still has people around who care. !PLL characters appear in future chapters! Rape mentions Buffy/Amber
1. Never, Never Late

**A/N: When I started writing this season two of Andi Mack wasnot out yet so some details of Ambers home lives may be different than the show. If you are reading for Pretty little Liars characters they don't come until later and are only minor characters.**

I woke up and ran to the bathroom. I threw up violently. I rested my fingers on my forehead, checking for any traces of a fever. Eehh. I laid my head on the cool porcelain of the toilet bowl. Minutes later I heard my mother's hurried footsteps rushing down the hallway.

"Are you alright, darling?'' my mum asked, British accent dripping from her groggy voice.

"I'm alright," I said, standing to brush my teeth, and then cleanse my toothbrush.

"Well, darling, it's like five in the a.m., go back to bed your alarm clock rings," she said, yawning, "we'll see how you feel then."

I nodded and padded to my room. I fell easily into a sleep deep as death and barely heard my alarm ring. But I did. I stood and took a shower, combed my hair and did my makeup. When I stood in front of the mirror to get dressed, my bra was tight. How is that possible? Last week it was a brand new, now it fits like one of my sister's would fit. Ugh. I loosened the clips and shrugged on a halter top and black high waisted shorts. The shorts barely buttoned. _When did I get so fat?_ I asked myself. I lifted my shirt and sure enough, my stomach looked… pudgey. I sighed, laced my combat boots and walked down the stairs. My mum was crossing the opening from the living room to the kitchen, paused in front of me and smiled.

"How are you feeling, darling?" she asked, resting a hand on the staircase banister.

"Ugh Mum! That's so stupid, I have a name! And I feel fine now," I huffed, stomping around her and into the kitchen.

I smelt pancakes right away. And then I smelt bacon. I clamped my hand over my mouth and ran out of the room. I dry heaved into the garbage pail in the living room. Mum came in after me still all British and proper.

"What's the matter, Amber?" she queried, making my name pointed.

"The bacon made me so nauseous," I stated, suddenly crying, mascara cascading over my cheeks.

"Oh darling, it's alright to be emotional during your time of the month," she said, rubbing my back. I shot up, wiping my cheeks as pure terror ripped through me. I thought back to the calendar in my room. The next few days circled in red pen. She was right. It was time for my monthly flow, yet it wasn't here. And in the two years I have had my period I have **never** been late and I have **never** missed a month. Ever. I was panicking now. I excused myself from my mother and ran to my room. I wiped the dried mascara from my checks . I grabbed my phone and dialed Andi. Ever since we established that Jonah and I where only using each other to hide our secrets, she and her posse had actually become my friends. Every once in a while she would still be upset about Jonah but she was eventually able to be happy for him.


	2. If I Was Scared Correctly

**A/N: I apologize for how short the first few chapters are they got longer as the number of chapters increases.**

"Hello?"Andi asked into the phone.

"Hey Andi-man," I said.

"Amber! How are you?" she asked, chipper as always.

"Scared Andi. I messed up. But it's impossible," I dropped my phone and when I bent to grab the phone I noticed how sore my breasts where, "I've never even kissed Jonah. And… and you know I don't like guys. And I certainly never did the deed and oh my god, Andi, I think I'm pregnant. I'm getting fat and I'm throwing up and Andi, I'm an emotional mess!" I cried in to the phone.

"Ok, meet me in the park, where we play frisbee after school," Andi said, ignoring my outburst.

"Ok," I said, hanging up.

Next, I dialed Buffy.

"Sap?" she asked, using her nickname for me. I giggled.

"Buf, I'm freaking out. I think I'm pregnant. Will you meet me and Amber at the park, where we play frisbee, after school?" I asked, nervously biting my nails.

"Who's the bastard that did this to you?" she growled.

"It takes two to make a baby,"I said nervously.

"You're gay! You wouldn't give yourself to a guy!" she cried out.

"I'm so sorry for doubting your intelligence. But if you don't mind me asking, why do you care so much?" Silence. "You there?" I asked, I didn't reallyhave time for this.

"Yeah," she sounded tired all of a sudden.

"So?"

"You're my friend and I...I… ya know… nevermind, I can't do this. See you later," she hung up. I looked down at my phone. That was weird. I dialed Jonah.

"I'm pregnant," I said, I held my phone to my ear with my shoulder as I tossed books into my backpack.

"For sure?" He asked.

"How are you so calm? Everyone is going to suspect it yours. And then no one will take us seriously when we put our coming out plan in action," I said, hysterics starting to take over.

"Don't worry yet. I'll explain at the park today," he said.

"Ok, I'm trusting you. Bye," I hung up. I took a deep breath, grabbed my bag and walked downstairs. The bus was already outside when I reached the stop. It was loud in there. I was tired. It was a long day. Hell, it was gonna be a long nine months if I was scared correctly.


	3. Test Time?

**A/N: TW: rape mentions, drug use, and mild language**

I had to pee so much today. I was yawning constantly. And I really wanted a baby tot with Ice cream and a pickle. I trudged to the park. I was not looking forward to this.

I plopped on the first I found near the frisbee field. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes.

"AMBER!" I heard Andi scream. I popped an eye open and I saw Andi, Buffy, Cyrus, and Jonah. They all sat in front of me on the grass.

"Can I get you anything?" Buffy asked me. I smirked.

"Bufffyyyy: Would you please get me baby taters, strawberry ice cream, and a pickle. Pleassseeeee!" I said.

"Really Sap? The people there will think I'm pregnant!" she grumbled. I glared at her.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry, Sap. I'm so sorry," she said blushing, getting up and muttering. Cyrus got up and dashed after her.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

 _ **WITH BUFFY AND CYRUS**_

"You ok, Buffy?" Cyrus asked looking over at his friend who had a steely gaze.

"No, I'm not," she huffed, crossing her arms.

"Why? What's wrong?" He shot back.

"I'm scared for Amber. And…" she said, trailing off and looking around.

"And what?" Cyrus asked his dark skinned companion.

"It's complicated," she said, rather glumly, if Cyrus could add.

"My life is complicated. Try me," he responded.

"You wouldn't understand," she said, blinking fast now.

"Maybe I would," he countered, wrapping an arm around her in a half-hearted hug.

"I just want something,"she said, making 'something' enunciated, and though she said nothing specific, Cyrus knew exactly what she meant.

"Everything worth having, is worth waiting for," he quoted and she whirled around, glaring at him. "I'm just saying give it time," he assured her, turning her body and pushing her into the Spoon.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

 _ **WITH AMBER, JONAH, AND ANDI**_

"My mom went a few towns over and bought these tests for you. She said she knows what you're going through," Andi told me, handing over a brown bag. There where six bright boxes inside, either pink, blue or purple. Each one more obnoxious, louder and 'happier' than the last. Each one had a happy lady or couple on it, but I was only terrified.

"Tell her thank you," I said shakily. The sight of the tests brought a new sense of doom and dread.

"Would you like me to wait 'til everyone get here for me to tell you what happened?" Jonah asked me. I nodded waiting for Buffy and Cyrus to show up. When I saw her, I mean them, enter the gates I started grinning like an idiot. I felt the familiar pang in my stomach and flutter in my heart. Ugh, this was such a hard life.

Buffy put the bag next to me and sat back down on the grass. I ate my food silently for a while before Buffy finally spoke up.

"Amber, are you ok?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. This is when I noticed the burning in my throat, the sourness in my mouth and the hand I had placed on my chest to try and stop it. I groaned.

"Heartburn," I said, rubbing my eyes.

"Test time?" Andi asked, to happy for this situation.

"Sure," I said, standing up and walking to the park restrooms. We invaded the largest stall. Buffy and Andi pulled all the tests out and unpackaged them. Buffy had pursed lips and a frown etched into her features that made me feel even worse about this.

"All you do is pee on the stick and wait and then read the sticks," Andi said, still chipper. While Buffy seemed to be seething silently.

I peed on an assortment of bright sticks and waited, rocking back and forth. Ball, heel. Ball, heel. Ball, heel. Ball, heel. Ball, heel. Ball, heel. Repeatedly. What feels like seconds later, Andi checks her phone.

"It should be fine now," she said. Flipping each test.

"Positive, positive, positive, undecided, positive, positive and undecided is now positive," Buffy recited, voice getting tighter with each positive she read off.

"Bloody brilliant," I mumbled.

"Oh Amber," Andi said, putting a hand on my shoulder. That's when I lost it. I couldn't stop the tears. I simply cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. Thoughts of my future slipping away. College. Ivy league. A good job. A wedding. A real family. A baby made from love. An easy, dreamt up life… gone. In an instant. All of it gone. I wasn't going to be able to go to college. I'd have to work at bloody McDonalds. I can't do this. I cried harder. My shoulders were shaking violently. I didn't want this. I wanted...well, that didn't matter anymore. I have a baby to love now. That is all that mattered now. Buffy stood suddenly, unlocking the door and running out. The door slammed closed behind her.

"Buffy. Buffy? Buffy!" I screamed, but she wasn't in my range of vision. I dropped my head and walked back to where Cyrus and Jonah where waiting. I sat on the bench trying to keep it together. Andi came up behind me a few seconds later and sat down beside Cyrus. A few minutes later Buffy came back.

"Who did this to you? Jonah? I'll beat him up," she announced, clearly just back from a run.

"Time?" Jonah asked. I nodded.

"Amber, when do you normally get your cycle?" he asked cooly.

"Normally the sixteenth through the twenty first," I answered, I really couldn't see where this was going and it bothered me a little.

"Right, so around the twenty-third you would be ovulating," he shuddered, "and remember how you went to that party two months ago on the twenty third and you fell asleep there?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding. I didn't remember doing the deed.

"Well you didn't fall asleep. Bryce gave you a cup of cola, in a cup. So, it was ya know, open. But neither me nor you at the time knew it was drugged. So after a few minutes I saw you asleep, with your head resting on Blake's shoulder.

"Then I saw Bryce carry you upstairs, and I didn't think anything of it. Since it was his house and you guys have been friends for like ever. But he never came down and I still thought nothing of it. But when he did he smugly told me you might need me now. When I went upstairs you were crying, there was...fluids and blood on your legs. I gave you advil and cleaned you up.

"I left you there while I went a confronted Bryce. He said it was a drug he created. Knock you out, you'll wake up during the assault but forget it all after. I was horrified. I somehow got you to my house and my mom made sure the bleeding was nothing bad. But I researched everything I could on pregnancies. And I hoped it wouldn't happen, but I guess I just had boyfriend's intuition," he said, shaking his head

"Fuck Bryce," Buffy said.

"Buffy," Cyrus warned.

"I'm only fifteen," I said quietly.

"Not every thirteen year old knows a rape victim," Andi said, and I cringed at that word. I saw Buffy giving her a side eye and had to bite back my laugh.

"You should file a report," Cyrus said, continuing to ignore my cringing.

"A baby," I said.

"It's real," Jonah said. I let a few silent tears drip down my face.

"Oh, Sap," Buffy said, moving to rub circles on my back. More tears streamed down the face. I sighed, why was life so complicated.

"I cannot believe it was Bryce. I knew I was pretty, I knew I would be a target. But, wow, I never thought it would really happen. And Bryce! I have known him forever and he's never been, a player, like that. In all these twelve something years," I said.

"Puberty changes people," Cyrus stated.

"Thanks," I said, drawing it out sarcastically and finishing it with an eye roll.

We fell silent for a bit. Thoughts rolling through all our heads. Adoption… abortion… keeping it… pulling a Bex, but Mum would never do that. So that left us with adoption… abortion… and parenthood. Mum was unmarried and unstable when she had me. Getting the abortion would have been easiest. She could have had a better, different life. But no, she gave me a life. She could have given me up but she chose to keep me and give up her tedious training and workouts and dieting to be a Victoria's Secret model. But she kept me and now is a very successful realtor.

But I have a harder choice. Keeping the baby and struggling through high school and college and life. Or giving it up and having any life I can imagine. Now, I just have to tell Mum, Jade, J.P., Principal Jhon, Bex, and oh, yeah, Bryce. And I have to make a life altering choice. Maybe I can just put of telling them forever.

"Boy or girl?" Andi asked.

"Girl, duh," I said, recalling stories of my Mum's pregnancies.

"Names?" Cyrus asked, I could tell he was trying not to sound excite for me.

"Ruby. duh, It's a tradition," I said, looking down to my legs, where soon a watermelon of a bump would be resting.

"There's more than just Jade and Amber?" Jonah asked, bringing up my sister. Now, that terrified me even more, Jade looked up to me and look how I was letting her down. 'Wait, no, this isn't your fault' I told myself firmly and then nodded to answer Jonah's question.

"Buffy? You here?" Andi asked, waving her hand in front our friends face. I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of another voice.

"Hmmm?" Buffy singsonged.

"Snap out of it?" Andi shouted making us all laugh, except for Buffy.

'"There's nothing to snap out of Andi," she snapped, her eyes hardening.

"I can name a few," Cyrus piped up, seeming to make his words smirk.

"Oh, you wanna go there?" Buffy challenged, cocking her head and angling he toned body towards Cyrus.

"Maybe some other time," he said, a smirk gracing his face this time.

Everyone grew quiet for a beat. "Baby," I finally uttered.

"Baby," everyone chorused back almost brainwashed.

"Wow," we all said then, which actually was pretty funny.


	4. There's Always More

**A/N:** _Italicized writing is Amber thinking._

* * *

Eventually, we all got up and took a walk around the park before heading our separate ways. Buffy and I lingered in front of the Spoon - where we had separated - for a while before she pivoted on her heel and dashed into a baby boutique I never knew existed. I think she didn't know I was watching her, but I always linger, I can't help but keep watch to make sure she doesn't get hurt. I started the rather short walk home, and ten minutes in I had to stop. My ankles and feet felt like they were pushing against my boots. I groaned and kept walking home.

When I got home I went straight upstairs to take off my shoes and bra. I put on an oversized sweatshirt from a San Francisco trip and exercise leggings. I packed a bag for incase Mum kicked me out when I told her the news and took it downstairs, placing it by the door and wandering into the kitchen.

I took a cookie off the cooling rack and promptly dropped back onto the counter. _Hot!_ My brain screamed at me.

"You do that everytime," Jade said sassily, shaking her head. I rolled my eyes and twisted my shiny, blonde hair into a bun, securing it with chopsticks that were on the counter.

"You know when Mum will be home?" I asked her as she meticulously moved cookies from the cooling rack to a plate on the breakfast bar.

"She said her las client is coming in and leaving at five," she paused to rescue a cookie from falling. "So, I'm guessing she'll be home 5:45-6."

"Ok, I'll make dinner. I have news." I turn and grab pasta and sauce from the pantry. I boil the pasta, heat the sauce, crumble the meat into the sauce, dinner is cooking.

I think of all the possible scenarios. Worst and best case. I make sure my bag is by the door just incase.

Mum got home just as I took the pasta off the stove and pour the red sauce over it. I divy out the portions and place them on the table as she comes in and takes of her jacket.

"Amber! Jade! I'm home! Oh, do I smell dinner?" she called from the foyer.

"Yep. in the kitchen. Amber cooked, she has _news_." Jade called as she finished setting the table.

"Oh, pasta and meat sauce, yumm. What's the news? " she asked, dropping her purse onto a barstool.

"Let's eat first," I say, gesturing to the table and sitting down. But I was too nervous to eat. I pushed my food around my plate and drank about seven glasses of water. I was so busy being busy that I didn't notice Mum and Jade finish eating.

"News?" my mum asked patiently.

"Desert?" I asked, stalling for time. This was beginning to seem like a bad idea through and through.

"News. now, Amber," she said, her voice stern all of a sudden.

"Ok. Promise to let me tell my story and not get mad?" I ask, shakily laying my foundation.

"We can do that, darling," my mum says sweetly. So I took a deep breath and began.

"Mum… Jade, I'm...I am...I'm...I'm pregnant. But as you promised let me explain-" I begin in a stutter but finally blurt it out, but Mum cuts me off.

"No need to explain, Amber. You just went out and ruined your life! You are bloody fifteen. Why? Why, Amber? Why? You have no future. Bloody mess you're into now. Bloody mess," she said, looking me dead into the eye.

"Mum, you don't understand. There's more to it," I said, adopting a pleading tone.

"What more could there be?" she screamed. She took a breath and lowered her voice, but it was still spitting with anger. "Amber, you screwed up. There is no way, no way, you can convince me that there is more to this story. You're pregnant. I'm not allowing an abortion; so you either have to deal with the agency or the bitter life of a teen mum. There is nothing more to this story, Amber."

I looked at Jade with piercing plead for help. "I DIDN'T DO THIS! YOU AREN'T LISTENING? THERE IS MORE," I yelled, tears beginning to fall as I push out of my chair and let it clatter to the floor.

"Mum, it's true. You didn't listen," Jade tried to say.

"OUT. AMBER OLIVIA OUT NOW. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW, I CANNOT HAVE MY DAUGHTER LOOKING UP TO A SLUT," she yelled, standing up gracefully and pointing a red fingernail towards the door.

I turned without a word and ran out of the house, only stopping to grab the bag I packed and my phone. Before I slammed the door I heard my mother speak, 'Don't be like her, baby, don't turn out like that.' I slammed the door and ran.

I didn't stop when I started crying again. Or when my nose started dripping. Or when people started staring. I didn't stop when I noticed I was barefoot. Or when when I felt like throwing up or when I could barely breathe anymore. I only stopped when I was safely on Mrs C and Mr H's porch.

Selfishly, I was glad that Andi and Bex had moved back in with the older Macks because if I was going to say here I would need at least a room, not just half of Andi's bed.

Just saying.


	5. That Will Be Me Soon

When I rang the doorbell Bex answered. I smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

"Oh my god, what are you doing here, you look terrible. Come in,come in. mooooom, c'mere." She opened the door wider and dragged me in. she pushed me back onto the couch and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.

"What Rebecca?" Ms C said snappily, shuffling into the living room from the kitchen. When I saw her I tried to wipe the mascara off my face but she saw me. "Good heavens girl, what happened to you?"

"I'm pregnant," I said on the verge of crying again, my face crinkled unpleasantly - probably.

"Oh my god. Who's the guy?" Bex said shockingly serious. Then she smirked and wagged her eyebrows.

Ms C grabbed a throw pillow and tossed it at her daughter. "Rebecca! This is serious business."

"Sorry mom. But really, Amber, who's the guy. And why aren't you home? It's almost eight on a school night."

"My childhood bestfriend ya know...took advantage of me," I said, rubbing my hands on my thighs. I didn't look at them while I spoke, but I heard Ms C drop her mug.

"Oh heaven, let me go make you some tea," the oldest Mack said and shuffled back out of the room.

"I got kicked out by my mom and I don't want to have an abortion," I blurted out to Bex. I leaned back against the couch and closed my eyes, I really didn't know what to do.

"What? Why? How could she do that?" Bex said. Her tone was disgusted and angry.

"She said it was all my fault without knowing the story and that my little sister shouldn't have a slut for a role model."

"That's terrible, Amber. I'm so sorry." Mrs C said handing my a cup of fruity scented tea. "Stay here as long as you'd like or need too. I know what it's like being a teen mom and raising a teen mom. We'll help you, you can have the guest room and maybe the office could become a nursery and oh, the appointments. Bex go make her an appointment. Andi! Come here!"

She paused to take a deep breath after her rambled thinking. She squinted her eyes and pursed her lips. "You'll need prenatals and maternity clothes. And we'll have to start looking at daycares, and make sure you get a tutor in case you get put on bed rest." She smoothed down a blanket on the other end of the couch and sat down. "Hmmm, you'll have to tell your teachers and principal. You should file a report and...and I think that's it. Andi! Where are you?"

Andi finally dragged her feet down the stairs and answered Ms C's calls. She also didn't hide her surprise at seeing me. "Amber, what are you doing here? I mean why are you here? Are you okay? Is the baby ok?"

"Andi, show Amber to the guest room and take her bag," she said, handing my bag to Andi.

"I can carry my bag," I said, standing up from the couch.

"Nonsense. Andi, don't let her fall either," Ms C said, waving us off. Andi shrugged and took off towards the stairs. Luckily, I could still run to catch up with her, but I had a feeling one day I won't be able to.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

I was sitting on the bed in my new room flipping through a fashion magazine when Bex came in with a plate of food. "For you. You should eat, for the baby. You should also consider filing a report like mom suggested."

I smiled while taking the plate and thanking her and promising to consider it. I ate most of the food and briefly contemplated the report before it slipped my mind and I fell asleep.

I woke up again at five in the morning like clock work, but didn't throw up this morning. I did sit on my bed wallowing in crippling nausea though. Eventually, it faded enough for me to get up and get dressed, do something with my greasy hair and try to tame the oils on my face. I walked downstairs where the Macks were already eating and had an extra seating ready.

I sat down and had a few bites of the french toast that Mr H had made. I really wasn't to hungry because of my nauseous spell this morning. Ms C handed me some -rather unpleasant- prenatal vitamins and insisted that I took them and ate for the baby. So I reluctantly did.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

When I got to school I part from Iris and head to the office. The secretary takes my name and tells me to wait in his office until he arrives. I do, I look at a picture of his wife, I assume, holding her swollen belly. I muse at the fact that that will soon be me. The other picture on his desk is the same lady sweating and exhausted looking holding a tiny baby, but she looks so happy.

"I see you saw the pictures of my wife," the principal says, shaking me from my trance.

"Mhm, the baby is beautiful," I say, looking up to meet the eyes of the school's director.

"What can I do for you today, Amber?" he says adopting a professional tone.

"I'm pregnant?" I blurt out. But it comes out more like a question.

His jaw dropped a little and his eyebrows raised as if he was about to say something… life changing. "Well Miss Reversi, our school hasn't had a teen pregnancy in about six years so there is likely to be some uproar, but the student s shouldn't get too wild. Do you plan on continuing your studies, Miss Reversi?"

"I do plan on it, unless I get put on bedrest, which means I'll get a tutor then." I'm rambling helplessly, my mouth seems unglued. "Oh, there's something else. I was raped, by a sophomore here."

Now it's Mr Jon's turn to ramble. "That's unheard of. He should be expelled right away and reported. Have you filed a report Miss Reversi? What's his name? Is he an athlete?"

I smirk a little, I can't help the fun of getting people in trouble. "Bryce Evans. I think he plays football. He also drugged me, just thought I should add that. Class has started and I really need to get going can you right me a late pass?"

He nodded, mutely, looking at my abdomen. I put a protective hand over it, even though there's only a slight protrusion from my skin. I walk back to class in silence thinking about how people will react when I tell them. Almost as soon as I'm settled in my desk the secretary comes over the P.A. and call Brcye to the office.


	6. Levels High

I had my first doctors appointment on Saturday. On Friday, we were going to file a report at the police station and then to Andi's - well our - house for sleepover. The day at school was long and dragged on.

Bex picked me up from school and then we went and picked everybody else form the middle school. I sat quietly while they chattered around in the back. Bex looked over at me and smile like I would be doing this oneday. _No way. No way. No way._ We went and got frozen yogurt. I got vanilla with lots of hot fudge. I ate mostly quite listening to Buffy and Cyrus fight in hissing whispers. I wasn't eavesdropping just letting the whispers fall over me.

"Amber? Ready for the police?" Jonah asked in his normally kind voice. I nodded and stood to join the rest of the group.

"Let's go catch a criminal," Buffy said maliciously with a punch thrown at the air.

"Buffy," Cyrus says, exasperated warnings laced in his voice.

We piled back into the car and Bex began to drive towards the police station. Andi pulled out an ancient iPod and tried to find a song on it. Andi finally selected 'Somebody to You' by 'The Vamps'. I felt a blush creep up my pale, oily cheeks and heard Buffy smack Andi. I could picture her face: eyes flashing, nose crinkled, lips drawn into a single angry line. I hope my baby had her expressive face. Or something like it. Not Bryce Evans' greedy, smug, spoiled expression.

As I sat in the parking lot of the station working up the courage to walk in there and do what I'm about to do. I had to really focus to remember that I'm doing this to give rape a name, not let it continue to get away untold. But the headlines people would publish kept flashing in my mind. 'Local teen, Amber Reversi, rape victim,' 'Girl who cried rape,' 'Local teen claims to be raped.' Finally, I sucked in one more deep breath and got out of the car joining everyone else who was waiting by the door.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

As we piled back into the car after filing the report Bex started to drive home.

"Bex, can we stop by my Mum's house quickly?" I asked, drumming my fingers on my leg. She nodded and turned at the next light. _I need to do this._ I kept repeating to myself. She knew where to go from driving Andi over occasionally. When we pulled up I heard Cyrus gasp and I cringed.

"That isn't a house that's a mansion," he said, and I could practically see the stars in his eyes.

I knew where he was coming from, the front of the house is made of wood and glass with concrete stairs spiraling up to the second story entry. It had a sprawling front yard with a ginormous pool front and center, lined by trees.

I stepped out of the car and shivered at the touch of the night air. "Stay here, I'll be back soon." I took off for the walk and trek towards the entrance. I took slow steps up the stairs and knocked on the door hesitantly.

Jade answered. "You've got some nerve being here," she said, but let me in anyway. I walked in quietly and crept downstairs to the floor where JP's office was located. I knocked on his door lightly before stepping in.

"Hey there Amber," he said taking of his glasses and spinning his chair to face me.

"Hey JP, I wanted to talk to you and Mum," I said.

"Okey dokey, pepperoni," he said in his jooly voice, using an old nickname for me. "Sapphire! Come here for a moment."

"Coming darling, " she called and I closed my eyes pretending it was me she was calling out to. "What do you ne-oh," she said when she reached the door jamb.

"JP, can you get her to stay quiet while I explain myself?" he nodded and gestured for me to start. "I'm sure she told you I'm pregnant," my mother opened her mouth but one look from JP and she shut it, "but I was kicked out before I could really explain. Mummy, JP Bryce took advantage of me. He drugged me and took advantage of me and now I'm pregnant. I want to forgive you, Mum, but what you did was also unacceptable."

Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. I smirked a little and JP sucked in a deep breath that you could hear resonate around his body. "But Bryce is such a good guy," My Mum said.

"Oh my god Sapphire, do you hear yourself right now? He raped our little girl, he's not a good guy," JP said.

"Well, people make mistakes Jake. Move back in Amber, we miss you," she tried, smoothing out her dress and crossing her ankles.

"That's nonsense!" Jade called from somewhere in the house.

"Jade!" My mom shouted. "I apologize Amber, you should move back in."

"You kicked me out! I'm not moving back in. If you want connection with the baby you have my Instagram." I said.

"Amber! You're making mistakes. You're young and foolish. You know what, Jake I'm going to bed." And with that she left the room.

A few tears fell from my eyes. "Do you agree with Mum?"

He shook his head and opened his arms. I sat on his lap pressing my head to his chest. He rubbed my back as tears fell silently. I closed my eyes and remembered sweet memories of him and I.

~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~

 _ **March 11th, nine years earlier.**_

 _ **Mum's company was hosting a charity gala for all the family of the realtors. Jade and I were wearing matching dresses, mine was in a golden, ambrey hue while Jade's was an emerald/jade shade. We danced out hearts out that night, as the last dance of the night they called a father-daughter dance. I walked away, knowing JP wasn't my real dad but he grabbed both of our hands. He pulled us to the dance floor, twirling us like crazy. That night when I was sleepily climbing into be JP planted a kiss on my forehead and whispered in my ear.**_

" _ **You'll always be my little girl."**_

 _ **August first, five years earlier**_

 _ **When I was ten and Jade was seven we went to Disneyland. On thunder mountain my sister and mum rode together while I rode with JP. as we were ascending the final climb he took his hands of from around me and put them up.**_

" _ **Daddy no! Daddy don't let go!" I screamed.**_

 _ **And just as we went over the drop he put his arms right back around me.**_

~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~

I raised my head and saw that JP had take off his glasses and his eyes were rimmed with red.

"I love you Daddy," I whispered even though I hadn't called him that in ages. I kissed his cheek.

"I love you too, pepperoni, I love you too," he said.

"I love you more," I said jokingly but my step-father replied completely seriously.

"No, I love you more. More than you'll ever know. You make me so proud everyday, I'll miss having you and the baby everyday," he said. My heart tingled as he regarded to the baby as a human and not something that made me a slut.

"Help me pack?" I asked and he nodded following me too my room.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

Once all was packed he helped me pack everything else he helped me drag the bags out to the car. I climbed into the passenger side of the car and he walked around to where Bex was in the driver's seat. He bent to get level with the window. "Take care of my little girl," he told her.

Hours later as I was laying awake on the couch next to Buffy I thought about how grown up I was going to have to bee soon, how real all of this was becoming.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

I woke up feeling oddly well this morning, I wasn't as tired as all the other mornings and actually felt the need to do something. The day seemed to pass slowly until Bex rounded us up so we could go to the appointment.

The first part of the appointment was all paperwork, meeting the doctor and technician and getting my vital checked while they were testing my blood.

"Hi, I am doctor Rabini I will be covering you through your pregnancy. You're hormone levels where very, very high so let's do the ultrasound and see what's going on." She said.

She told me how the ultrasound would work and then shot some gel onto my abdomen after tucking a towel around my pants and my raised shirt. She moved the wide wand over my abdomen and studied the screen in front of her.

"That's your baby, Amber. Her size indicates about eight to ten weeks in. So, your due date is going to be out at November twenty-eighth. Whenever you're ready come out to get your pictures and make a new appointment. Oh, and tell the receptionist to schedule another scan because your hormone levels were." she left the room and closed the door behind her. I wiped the gel off with the towel that had been tucked around my clothes.

Everybody else chatted about everything baby related and how excited they were and what names they like and everything else of the sort. I was only terrified though, I still couldn't believe I was going to be a mum shortly.


	7. You Look So Perfect Standing There

**A/N: Sorry this update has taken so long. 3**

* * *

The Sunday after the appointment I was sitting in my room flipping through magazine when Bex pushed into my room.

"Hey there girlie," she said.

"Hey." I smiled but didn't really look up.

"Haven't heard from you in a while, just making sure you're ok. Can I get you anything?"

I put the magazine down and thought. "Can I get some peanut butter?"

She nodded and left the door jamb. I pulled off my sweat shirt because it was getting hot in here for some reason. As it lifted up the hem of my shirt I heard a knock on the door. Strange,

"Come in," I said, yanking down my shirt but not in time, because Buffy entered the room. She looked away quickly. "Oh hi, Buffy. I wasn't expecting you, come in."

"I was told to bring you peanut butter," she said producing a jar and two spoons seemingly out of nowhere.

"Peanut butter," I said, reaching out to take the jar and one of the spoons. I smiled at her and felt a twinge in my heart. We sat down on my bed and faded away into giggles.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

The next few weeks passed in the ordinary. Just as I thought everything was going to get better - because the books said it should be. And it did, my skin and hair went back to normal. I was back to normal Amber, just with a decent sized bump attached to my front. Then it got worse. My morning sickness multiplied. I felt twice as sick, double the amount of time. I could barely keep any food down and even the smallest scent could set me off.

One night at dinner there was a knock at the door. We all looked at each other. Suddenly, I got a rush of energy and I jumped up going to answer the door.

It was my mom.

I swung the door closed again, securing the lock and walking back to the living room.

"Who was that?" Mr H asked.

"Ignore it and it will go away," I said, picking up my fork again and taking another bite of the chicken.

She knocked again. I pushed my back against the chair and squinted my eyes closed. Bex and Mrs C shared a glance. Bex got up and walked to the entryway.

"Hello Ms Reversi, come in," I heard her say. I heard the click of my mom's pumps on the tile.

"Amber, pleased to see you," she said, her words curling evilly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"My, my, aren't you big already."

I narrowed my eyes at her, my hands flying to my baby. "Yes, I am. So what? Why are you here?"

"To collect you and your stuff. It's time for you to come home."

"You kicked me out! I'm not going back to you and your… your… your selfish, wretched ways!" I screamed at her.

"It's in your best interest."

"Is it really? Really, is it now? Please, Mum, please go."

She huffed and puffed for a moment. "Well then, it was nice seeing you Macks." she turned on her heel and left the room, slamming the front door behind her.

"You've got it rough girl," Mr H said, shaking his head with a good-natured chuckle. I nodded and leaned my head back against the chair.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

We were in the waiting office of the doctor's waiting to be called in for the appointment the tests recommended. Finally, the nurse called us in and we filed into room where they took all sorts of vitals. The doctor came back in and snapped on her gloves. She opened the file and skimmed it quickly.

"So, Amber, this says we made the appointment because your hormone levels were very high. So, let's do an ultrasound to make sure the baby is ok and then you should be in your way until the gender scan," the doctor said, looking at me and gesturing to lift up my shirt which I did.

The gel was frigid against my raising bump and the cold sent a shiver up my spine. The doctor moved the wand over the bump and stayed tight lipped the entire time. Her face never showed a flicker of emotion which worried me.

"Is the baby ok?" i asked, starting to get worried at how quiet she was being.

"The babies are ok," she said, flicking off the machine and turning to face me. She handed me a towel to clean myself up. "That explains why you're so big for ten weeks. It's twins!"

Her bright face made me feel terrible about the lack of emotion I felt. I was empty and scared, this nightmare was only getting worse.

Rape, baby, twins.

My face collapsed, and I fought back tears. Andi grabbed my hand and squeezed it comfortingly. Buffy sucked in a deep breath and curled her long and calloused fingers in to fists.

"Oh dear, it's ok to be scared. Everyone gets scared when we tell them it's twins. You'll be a great mom Amber, you have that air to you. I'll see you in let's say six weeks," the doctor stands as she says this and pats my back. I release a shaky breath and look at everyone who came with us.

"Oh my god," Buffy breathes out.

"Buffy," Cyrus and I say.

"I'M GOING TO HURT HIM. THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT WHY IS AMBER LEFT TO PICK UP THE PIECES OF THIS?" she just about yells, her voice is hurt and teetering on murderous.

"It's ok, Buf," I said, standing up and walking to the door.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

We were sitting in Andi's living room watching an old black and white movie that Cyrus and Jonah convinced us to watch. I tried to focus but the walls were too close together and it was too small in the house. I stood up.

"I'm going on a walk, who wants to come with?" I said, gesturing to the door. Buffy stands and follows me outside in silence.

We walk for a while in silence before Buffy broke it. "What do you want?"

"I'm going to love them either way," I say, resting a hand on the bump.

"I don't mean that, but like, you have to have a preference," she insists. I nodded in semi agreeance.

"I guess I've always wanted a girl, and I think two boys would be over the top. Two girls would be over the top too, stealing each other's men and friends," I say as we turn the corner. Buffy humms which I take as an approval of my opinion.

As we round another corner the sky opens up, sheets of rain pouring down on us. We look at each other and take off running back towards the house.

When we step inside, soaked and panting Andi has a song playing over the house speakers.

 _ **Simmer down, simmer down**_

 _ **They say we're too young now to amount to anything else**_

 _ **But look around**_

 _ **We worked to damn hard to give it up now**_

 _ **If you don't swim, you'll drown**_

 _ **But don't move honey**_

 _ **You look so perfect standing there**_

…

 _ **And I know now that I'm so down**_

 _ **Your lipstick stain is a work of art**_

 _ **I got your name tattooed in an arrowed heart**_

 _ **And I know now that I'm so down**_

Conversation was flowing around us but I couldn't make out any of the words. All I could do was look at Buffy who had a strange and unreadable look in her eyes. Her once flat-ironed hair was starting to curl from the rain and her tank top was plastered to her with rain. I could feel my hair pressed against my face, but she moved it aside and pressed a quick kiss to my cheek before walking off and joining a conversation while I stood stunned.

* * *

 **A/N: The I used is called 'You look so perfect' by 5SOS. Sorry, this was so late and I'll try to update more oftenly!**


	8. What's It Called?

On Monday for school, I decided to wear something that embraced the bump. The black tank top I wore shown the twins incubating and had people everywhere shooting me looks.

There were hater and pitiers. There were also people who supported me, like Iris and a few other kids I shared classes with. There where also the jocks -a.k.a. Bryce's friends- who were enraged at me for getting him taken out of sports and suspended, they were also beyond furious I had reported his to the cops. The cheerleaders called me a homewrecker for sleeping with the squad leader's boyfriend but she dumped his as soon as she heard about it. "Why do I need a guy that I don't satisfy?' she had said. There were also the popular wannabes saying I faked the rape claim because I was so thirsty that I slept with a taken man.

The weeks went on like that, until it settled down and the haters were overridden.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

By week fourteen my bump had grown again and I was craving cheetos, lemonade, apples and quesadillas. I was standing in the kitchen cleaning up from lunch one Friday we had off and eating an apple. The phone rang and I leant across the island to grab it, I picked up the call and placed it under my ear.

"Hello?" I asked.

"May I speak with Ms Reversi?" the automated voice on the other end asked.

"This is," I said, placing the apple down and leaning on the counter.

"Hello there Ms Reversi, we are calling to update you on the case," the voice continued when I acknowledged it. "We have taken Mr Evans into custody on warrant for arrest." the line clicked off after that and I had to place a hand on the counter to steady myself through a dizzy spell.

I put the phone back in it's charger and took a bit of my apple chewing thoughtfully. Andi skipped in and over to the fridge, pulling out the gallon of milk and effectively sloshing it all over the counter. I gagged at the smell but pulled the towel off my shoulder and wiped it up.

"Who was on the phone?" she asked, sipping milk from her glass.

"The police station," I said, finishing off my apple and tossing the core into the trash.

"What did they say?" she asked, bouncy and energetic all of a sudden.

"Not much, they took Bryce into custody." I rubbed my bump.

"How is that not much? They arrested the man who hurt you! The women of our town are safe now!"

"Because they still have to question him. If there's no case they can't hold him for a crime without evidence."

"Oh,"Andi breathed out, "Are you going to make him sign away his parental rights?"

"Damn right I am." I smiled down at my swollen abdomen.

Andi smirked.

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask, what's been with the music these last few months?" I asked.

"You'll have to catch me for answers." she took off running as she spoke.

"Hey, these aren't my running jeans," I called but started jogging after. I had a feeling soon enough I wouldn't be able to.

/||\\\

Six weeks later we were sitting in the doctor's office, waiting with a buzz of excitement. Today we should be able to tell the gender of the twins and everyone was itching with anticipation for the naming frenzy to begin. The doctor came in with bright eyes as she snapped her gloves onto her hands.

"Ready to see these babies, Miss Amber?" she asked me sweetly as she wheeled her stool next to the table where I was laying down. Laying down I couldn't see my toes anymore, I was looking more like twenty three weeks than just twenty. The doctor asked me many questions as she began the scan and looked at the screen. "Baby A, Miss Amber is a…" she said holding her breath a pause. I looked around the room and then at the doctor and nodded. "A is your son. And B is… drumroll please your daughter."

I gasped and tears sprang to my eyes. "Can we see them?" I asked shakily. The doctor nodded and spun the monitor towards us. The two babies were touching their feet and baby A was blinking. I gasped again and covered my mouth with my hands. They were so beautiful and precious it hurt. In that moment, I felt everything around me shift. It went from all about me to all about them and what was best.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

We were sitting on the couch back at Andi's house watching a movie in the living room and grazing on light snacks. I had a bag of half-eaten, puffy cheetos in my lap when I jumped up so high I almost fell of the couch.

"What happened?" Cyrus asked, panic beginning to seep in his voice.

"No, no, no. Nothing bad, the babies kicked. I think, something in there moved at least," I said, my voice was high and ecstatic. I could feel love pumping through my veins, if that was even a thing

"Aww, that's cute," Buffy said, her eyes never leaving the screen but her hand found its way to rest on the babies.

"Hang in there babies, seventeen more weeks," I whispered to them, then turning back to the movie. The movie was in black and white, and from what I gathered, about a Girl named Lucille trying to cross the Hudson River.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

We were sitting in the park grass eating a pizza, enjoying the spring air when the baby whacked my intestines with a foot, or an arm.

"Oof," I grunted, massaging the spot that took the blow. "I swear I'm raising MMA fighters."

Andi laughed and finished off her bite of pizza. "Have you thought of names?"

"A few. I thought about Otto and Olivia or Drew and Dakota," I said.

Buffy put her pizza down and brushed the crumbs of her fingers into the grass. "Personally, I like Elliot and Stephanie."

"What about Nadia and Aidan, they're spelt with the same letters,"Andi suggested, beaming at her idea.

We chattered on about those two suggestions and a te a little bit more before Cyrus interjected. "What about something a little more unusual like Dara and Jon. J-O-N, Jon?" I nodded and took another bite of pizza imagining calling out into the house for little kids, I would have laughed at the thought if the now twenty-four week twins weren't settled in my lap.

"I like Nolan and Marilyn," Jade said, never looking up from her phone. I actually liked those two a lot.

"Oliver and Odetta are better." Jonah remarked, braiding strands of grass between his fingers.

Bex who was previously quiet and almost not there spoke up suddenly. "Before I chose Andi we thought about Jasper or Eliza. How about both Jasper and Eliza?"

The chatter picked back up as we discussed names taking each on into consideration. After the laughter at Andi's half-hearted suggestion of Bryce and Spencer had faded and a silent, pensive moment passed I was struck with an Idea.. kind of. "What about Jasper and Marilyn?" I proposed.

Everyone nodded and agreed in a quiet chatter.

I looked down and wrapped my arms around the mound of baby and skin. "Nice to meet you Jasper and Marilyn. We love you so much. I love you so much." I whispered down.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"Don't go in there. It smells like paint and that's not good for you or the baby. Babies," Jonah warned, closing the door behind him and trying to wipe a smear of paint of his cheek.

"Ok," I said, placing a hand on my rib trying to catch my breath after a particularly harsh kick to my lungs.

Giggles erupted from the room. "Does it look centered, Jade?" I heard Buffy ask.

My little sister laughed harshly but nicely. "Not at all." I paled and reached towards the door knob.

"No!" Jonah snapped, pushing me lightly out of the way. I put my hands up in surrender and walked back towards my room.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

I was settled into my bed with a bag of cheetos and water bottle full of lemonade reading a pregnancy book on raising multiples. I heard the phone ring down stairs, knowing everyone else was asleep I walked down stairs to answer it. My legs were swollen and my feet ache so I tried to get up onto a barstool but that was difficult enough for my petite frame when I wasn't pregnant.

"You have a call from the Western Pennsylvania Correctional Facilities inmate: Bryce Evans." An automated voice spoke. My breath caught in my throat.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Hi readers, it has come to my attention that the rapist in '13 Reasons Why' is also named Bryce. I didn't know this when I wrote my oc Bryce into this, so they aren't the same people. On the other hand sorry this took so long to update.**_


	9. Whatever You Do Is the Right Choice

_**A/N: TW: Miscarriage, Abortion, Selective termination**_

"Press one to accept the call. Press two to report the call and press three to decline the call," The Voice continued. I lowered the phone from my ear and pressed one.

"How the babies doing?" Bryce asked, his voice was so smug I wished I could punch it.

"Why do you think I'm pregnant?"

"Did you lose the babies?"

"Why do you keep assuming it's multiples?" I wanted to punch him in that moment for hurting me, for bringing Jasper and Eliza into a world where, although they were loved, wasn't quite ready for them yet.

"Who are you to keep answering my questions with questions?" he sneered.

"Who were you to rape me?"

 _Beep Beep._

"I'm running out of time, why did you report me?" The line went dead. I sucked in a breath and put the phone back.

Once I was upstairs I walked towards the door I wasn't supposed to open it. The door swung open revealing the freshly painted nursery. The matching cribs and rocking chair were huddled in the middle covered in plastic cloths. I pulled the cloth off the rocking chair and sat down in it. I used my foot to push the chair back and forth a little.

The paint smell burnt in my eyes making tears start to form. "Well since I'm going to cry already it looks like I might as well do this. Hey there Jasper and Eliza, it's mummy speaking. I just want you to know I'm trying to give you everything I can. We aren't going to have the easiest life but I won't give you anything less that the best I can. I promise babies," I said out loud to where the babies were incubating. I rubbed the top of my stomach lovingly, letting the tears fall freely of my face, down off my chin and off to my chest.

I was leaning back in the rocking chair trying to stop the tear flow, when my breath stopped coming easily. I tried to take a few deep breaths and when that didn't work, do a few terrible yoga poses. None of the other strategies that had worked for me before were working. I struggled to stand up and when I finally did, I was so short of breath I felt dizzy.

"Let's go get mummy some peppermint oil for her nose," I mumbled leaving the nursery and wandering to the bathroom by the stairs.

I opened the medicine cabinet and rummaged through the bottled to find the small essential oil jar. I found it in the very back and opened the jar. I got a drop on my finger and raised it to my nose, and as soon as I smelt it I got dizzy all over again.

"This can't be good," I said gently as the edges of my vision began to fade out and go black.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\\\

"Mrs and Ms Mack I assure you fainting and dizziness is completely normal in pregnancy especially with twins. Now, let's just check in with the babies in a quick ultrasound," the ER doctor said, standing up and walking to a cart to grab a pair of blue gloves.

I yawned and pulled up my sweatshirt over my stomach. The oxygen being given to me via tube was tickling my nose and the electrolytes they were pumping through an IV were making me sleepy.

The gel was cold per usual and the doctor's pursed lips had me a little concerned.

"What's wrong?" I asked drowsily.

"Nothing, nothing. Twins right?"

"Jasper and Marilyn," I mumbled, fighting off another yawn.

"Well then there's either another baby or Marilyn has four legs," the doctor said, trying to make a joke.

"Oh brother. Oh sister. Oh my fucking god," I said deliriously, right before falling asleep fight then and there.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"You woke up," Bex said, from a chair by the hospital bed I was laying in.

"Yeah," I said yawning and trying to sit up. "What happened last night?"

"You don't remember?"

I shook my head.

"Well, the fainting didn't hurt the babies or you but… there might be a third baby," Bex said uncertainty.

"What?" I almost screamed. My hand were like magnets down to my growing abdomen, running over every inch of showing skin, every stretch mark, every bump; almost like they were trying to locate said third baby.

"The first ultrasound they gave you showed Marilyn having four legs, it looked like. So then a few hours later, while you were still sleeping they did another ultrasound and right under Marilyn was a very, very small other baby…" she informed, but trailed off at the end.

"What? What else?" I asked, panicked. I may not have asked for one baby, or two, or even three, but that didn't mean they weren't mine and that I didn't love them.

"The doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. We don't know if the baby is alive, or in the worse case scenario, how long it's been dead," Bex said, her voice quite and sad.

My heart broke. I felt it shatter into a million and one pieces. My baby, well one of my babies, was gone, possibly gone, forever.

"Bexxxx," I wailed, trying not to cry, because if I did I was sure I would never stop. She took my hand in hers and smiled sadly at me.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"Amber," Doctor snappy gloves said in such a morbid tone that I started crying. "We can't find her heartbeat anywhere, it is doubtful Baby C is alive, Amber. I know this is hard for you but is in Jasper and Marilyn's best interest to abort Baby C-"

"Amanda-" I cut her off.

She nodded and continued. "It will be best for Jasper and Marilyn to abort Amanda."

I cried for about forty-five minutes there with her before agreeing that if we could save the twins, that would be best.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"Are you ready for this Miss Amber?" Dr Snappy Gloves - her names is actually Dr Olivia but really the gloves are her most memorable trait- asked me as she looked down at me.

I was once again in a hospital bed, IVs in, heart clips attached, blood pressure being measured, oxygen being given, and about to murder one of my babies. "Are you sure this is the right thing to do?"

"Yes, Amber, this increases Jasper and Marilyn's chances of being healthy in the rest of the pregnancy. You'll get you hold her when we remove her and we'll know of she was even alive in there," the doctor said somberly.

I nodded and took a deep breath and went under the anesthesia.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"Amber? Amber? Wake up," the doctor said, tapping my shoulder gently.

"What happened?" I asked, my vision slowly coming back in. i kept yawning and coughing interchangeably.

"You went in and had-"

"No, no, no. Was she already dead? Did I kill her today?" I stumbled around my words, a little groggy still.

"You didn't kill her today, it looks like she died about a month and a half ago. Any day now your body would have started to go into labor to eject Amanda and put Jasper and Marilyn at risk," she explained.

"Oh thank god. I feel nine hundred times better," I exclaimed. "Wait that sounded wrong. I'm not glad she's gone, I'm just glad I didn't kill her."

Dr Olivia nodded and sat down on the foot of my bed. "Okay, there was risk in this procedure. I want you on strict bed rest for two weeks except to use the bathroom and take sitting baths. After that take it very easy till your next appointment and at any signs of bleeding get to the ER as soon as possible," she told me.

I nodded along and fought back more tears. If I kept crying at this rate I could start a bottled water company.

"It's ok to be sad, Amber, but your strong and will be the best mother to your twins."

I nodded and shed a few more tears before being helped into a wheelchair that took me to the car.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

Buffy, Andi, Bex, Jade and Mrs C sat around my room talking to me or simply keeping me company. Andi was great about making sure to get me anything I wanted to eat or drink, Jade made sure I was never too hot or cold and my back didn't start hurting. Buffy literally catered to my every whim and Bex and Mrs C just really kept to themselves.

"Are you excited to meet Jasper and Marilyn?" Jade asked a few hours later while we were watching the black and white movie, again, with Jonah and Cyrus. Yes the same one.

Tears jumped to my eyes. I shook my head. "I can't name them that anymore. It makes me think of Amanda too much," I admitted, even just hearing or saying the names brought up unbearable pain in my heart. "I can't do it."

"That's ok, Amber," Bex said. "You can name them whatever you want to, it's your choice. Your twins. Whatever you do, know it's the right choice."

"It's the right choice," I mumbled to myself just as the characters on TV started screaming.

' _ **Come on, Lucille, your mom and brother need you over here,' one screamed.**_

' _ **I can't, the river is too violent,' the other one yelled back.**_

' _ **If you love them, you'll make it.'**_

' _ **You're right I can cross a measly river for my family. Except the Hudson river isn't measly!'**_

Then it hit me. "I want to name them Hudson and Lucille."

"Yesss," Jonah and Cyrus simultaneously exclaimed. Celebrating that the twins names where from their favorite black and white movie.

* * *

 _ **A/N: this chapter was incredibly hard to write because, well… you know. I hope you liked the odd plot twist and all, but don't worry from here it's a mostly happy story. No more deaths. Also, I really don't how it feels to lose a child so I'll try to make AMber's greif real but I cannot guarantee anything. Sorry if this offends anyone.**_


	10. To a New Extreme

Around eight that night Jonah's mom cam and picked up Jonah, Cyrus and generously drove Jade home. Around eleven Andi went to bed and Bex and Mrs C hadn't really come back up after we ate dinner. At eleven thirty Buffy was laying next to me on my bed watching reruns of Modern Family on my laptop while I tuned in every once in a while. Her phone beeped sometime around eleven forty-five and it was her mom asking if she would be ready to be picked up soon.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I mumbled into her shoulder when she read the text out loud to me.

"Of course, you shouldn't be all alone right now anyway," she said texting her mom back and curling in next to me. She was wrapped around my enlarged stomach and I was laying my head on her shoulder.

By midnight Bex came in and took the laptop from us and made us promise to get some sleep. "Ok ok fine. I'm a little tired anyway," I said and fell asleep almost instantly.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

I could see the early morning light streaming in from my window when I woke up but I kept my eyes shut. Buffy was still lying entwined with me and seemed to be asleep, so I tried to lay as still as possible.

"Sap, sap? Good she's asleep," I heard Buffy say quietly. She pulled away from me and The bed shifted under her weight. I felt hands on my bump and I ignored the little fireworks erupting underneath my skin. Buffy started to talk again. "Hey there Jasp- Hudson and Lucille, I'm Buffy and this is the first time I've ever really talked to you. I love you guys so much, almost as much as I love your mom.

"Wait I take that back, I don't love your mom. Actually, who am I kidding I do. I don't say that lightly. I never say anything lightly. So when you two are causing trouble for your mom in two years and I say something stupid there's an eighty-four percent chance I mean it," she said, almost starting to laugh.

I almost cut in but she started talking again.

"Be good to your mummy. She's been through so much in these last six and a half months. She is doing her best and loves you so much. I love you too. You're the best thing that I've certainly ever had and I'm sure you mom feels the same way." She kissed my forehead.

When she leaned back I kissed her temple.

"What was that for?" she asked, looking at me like she could pick a fight.

"Payback for kissing my forehead. I'm prone to breakouts these days," I mock complained.

"Poor, poor Sap," she 'sympatized'. She stood up and stepped over my legs and then hopped off the bed and onto the floor. "I'm going to get an apple do you want anything?"

"Ummm how about an orange," I said, wiggling into a seated position.

"Can you eat oranges?" she asked me suspiciously, crossing her arms and squinting her eyes a little.

"Yes, the twins actually love oranges," I countered and smiled in a superficially sweet way.

Buffy rolled her eyes but laughed a little. "I'll be back in like two minutes."

I nodded bt she was already out the door. I leaned back into the mountains of pillows behind me and sucked in a big breath.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

Andi bursted into my room, Jade, Buffy, and Bex following behind her. "We're doing nails today," she announced.

"Do we have to? I asked in a very whiny and immature tone.

"Yes, you've taken bed rest to a new extreme this last week," Bex said. "Honestly when was last time you took a shower?"

"Two days ago," I offered.

Bex shook her head and dug my hands out from under the comforter.

Buffy got her nails done in a mauve tone. Bex did a metallic purple. Jade opted for a emerald tone with a sophisticated matte finish. Andi got purple with white polka dots and I did grey with alternating pink and blue tips.

"I have to pee," I said an hour later when everyone had put away the nail polish and was watching TV or talking amongst each other.

"Ok, is your nail polish dry?" Andi asked.

I nodded and took slow, small steps towards the bathroom. When I went to stand up from the toilet though, I couldn't get up. I tried and tried again before it got hard to breath and I had to sit back and take a break. Then again I looked about full term with one baby and I heard some horror stories of full term women getting stuck.

* * *

 _ **With Andi, Buffy, Jade and Bex**_

"Now that she's gone let's talk baby shower," Andi said, a mischievous grin creeping onto her face.

"I had my baby shower at thirty-two weeks like most expecting moms do, but I think Amber may be too uncomfortable to be swarmed by people by then," Bex said.

"Well next week is her 28th week but she'll still technically be on bed rest. We could shoot for the end of her twenty-ninth week and then we will have two weeks to wash and set up before the 'have everything done' date of thirty-two weeks," Buffy said.

"Look who did their homework," Jade said sardonically, rolling her eyes.

"We'll start planning," Bex said, then she stopped to think. "Wait, it's been a long time where's Amber?"

"I'll go check on her," Buffy said, pushing up and leaving the room.

* * *

 _ **Back with Amber**_

Someone knocked on the door and pushed it open.

"You okay in here?" Buffy asked me.

"Just a little stuck," I said like it was no big deal.

"Only you," she said a little admonishingly.

"Obviously you have not done your research on pregnant women who get stuck in places," I said as Buffy walked over and stuck her hands out towards me. "What are you doing?"

"Would you like me to leave you here? Or perhaps call the SWAT team? I'm going to help you up if you just give me your hands," she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it kinda was.

She pulled me up and then politely turned around so I could pull up my pants and wash my hands. As we were starting to walk out, I caught her wrist in my hand and gave it a gentle tug, but on firm enough to get her to turn and face me.

Although she was younger than I was, she stood a good three inches taller than I did and all the time she spent in the sun for her sports made her dark skin shine with an earthy glow. I looked up in her eyes a watched her face as her line of sight repeatedly moved between my lips and my own eyes. My hand trailed up her arm from her wrist to her shoulder and then found its way to her cheek. I pressed onto my tip toes and brushed my lips against hers.

Before I really wanted to I pulled away and looked back into her eyes. I held like this for another beat before dropping my hand from her face and letting her walk towards the door and into the hallway.

 _What did you do you bloody idiot. She'll never forgive you, she'll probably hate your babies too,_ my brain internally screamed at me. I took a deep breath and shook my head in an attempt to make the thoughts go away.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"I never want to sit again!" I exclaimed as I stood at the kitchen island eating a piece of toast. Bex laughed and waved a hand saying just wait until my legs were swollen tender.

Which they were it hurt to walk but standing still was okay, at least for now. A Braxton HIcks contraction rolled over my stomach and I reconsidered. "On second thought I'm going to sit down now," I said, waddling over to the bar stool that had been lowered so I could easily access it.

"Hey Amber we've been meaning to ask how does a baby shower sound this Saturday?" Andi asked me, hopping onto the barstool next to me.

"That sound great but I think you need a little more than three days to plan a baby shower," I said.

"Don't worry about that, we've got it covered," Bex assured me.

"Ok then I can't wait, "I said finishing off my toast and standing up to try to alleviate the pain in my back.

"Good, can't wait," Mrs C said as she passed through the room.


	11. I Think It's Best Too

"Are you excited?" Bex asked as she brushed a fan brush over my cheek.

"I guess. I just don't know what to expect," I said, careful not to move my face too much.

"It will be great," Jade said placing a hand on my shoulder and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

Andi slide to a stop, almost slamming her face into the door jamb. "Jonah and Cyrus have your outfit picked out."

"Okay, go on now. And don't smudge your makeup!" Bex said patting my head.

The struggle to stand up was real, only taking two people to help hoist me on to my feet that had disappeared underneath my swollen stomach. I waddled to my room where Cyrus was standing next to a floor length dress. It was long sleeves with a blue top that changed to a blue and white pattern right above the bump and continued down the skirt.

Once I was safely down stairs and settled into a bar stool I heard a knock on the back door. I flopped off the stool and tried my best to walk to the door. I swung it open not really checking to see who it was, which made the surprise even greater when I heard my cousin, Allison's, voice.

"Oh my god! What are you guys doing here?" I asked gesturing to her and her girlfriend and their own twin daughters. I was so shocked that I was getting a little dizzy.

"Your sister invited us for your baby shower and we'll probably stay until the twins make their grand entrance," she said with a smile. Her round face was framed with hair that was much shorter than I remember.

"Who is it Amber?" Buffy asked as she walked up next to me. "Oh, it's Allison and her family. Come in you guys, we'll be heading off any minute."

I nodded in agreeance and stepped to the side.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"Well that was fun," I said to no one in particular as Allison, Emily, Bex, Andi, Jade and I cleaned up from the shower.

"Yeah. You made out like a bandit," Emily said, jabbing her thumb towards the incredibly large pile of gifts for the twins and I.

"You know what, it's getting stuffy in here. Who wants to go on a walk with me?" I asked, using all my arm strength to push off the booth where I was sitting.

"I'll go." Allison, Emily and Buffy said in varying ways all dropping their tasks.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

I stopped to catch my breath a few minutes into the walk. I closed my eyes and tried to just focus on pushing the breath into and out of my lungs, like the ER doctor had taught me to.

"Are you okay?" Allison asked me, doubling back and resting a hand on the small of my back.

"Yeah. catching my breath is like a sport these days and it's like Braxton Hicks all the time," I said, straightening up and taking a few steps forward.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"Buffy, I'm telling you that many diapers will not fit in that little container," I said, looking over shoulder at Buffy putter her entire body weight trying to get a container filled of diapers to close.

"It will," she grunted out trying to fasten the clasps. "Now go back to your folding."

I rolled my eyes and looked back down at the increasingly large piles or boy and girl onesies I was folding.

"Did you pack your hospital bag yet? You're due any day now," Buffy said absentmindedly, having moved on from stuffing diapers into bins to hanging up little shirts and dresses.

"I have five more weeks relax," I said, starting to put all the folded onesies into drawers.

"Any day now," Buffy said warningly and just like that I felt my stomach and lower back go tight and pressure increase on my pelvis.

"Wow, that was a really bad Braxton Hicks. Can you go get me a glass of water?" I asked walking to the rocker to wee if that would help.

A few minutes later Buffy still wasn't back and my stomach got tight again, the pressure in my pelvis almost doubling. I tried breathing deep and lifting and lowering my legs but nothing was working. Sweat was beginning to bead on my forehead and down my back. I tied my hair up as Buffy came back in.

"You look terrible, are you okay?" Buffy asked me still standing in the doorway.

I knotted my brow together trying to resist screaming out at the pain that was getting worse and worse. I stood up and a rush of fluid leaked down my legs. "Shoot, I just peed a bit. Hand me that water, though," I said sticking a hand out towards Buffy.

"Should we call Bex? I know she just left but you look like you need a doctor," Buffy said calmly, but her eyes were dancing in a panicked frenzy.

"No, no, I'll be fine until they get back from the grocery store," I assured her, walking backwards in small steps towards the rocker that I promptly sunk back into.

"Are you sure?" she asked me pointedly.

I nodded and tried to paste a smile onto my face. She sighed and handed me the glass of water she had brought up for me.

 _ **Thirty-five minutes later**_

"I'm not going to be okay, we need nine-one-one or a doctor or SOMETHING," I screamed as another wave of pain geared up. I was gripping the handles on the rocker so hard my already pale knuckles were visibly pale. I was drenched in sweat and very, very close to breaking down in tears.

"We should get you down stairs and then I'll call Bex," Buffy said walking over to me and yanking me onto my feet.

"No. no. NO! This hurts, Buffy," I groaned as she tossed one of my arm over her shoulders and started leading me towards the stairs.

"I know, I know, but you have to get down the stairs. You can do this, I know you can," she whispered into my ear and helped me take small steps down the hallway. "Okay this is the first step, ready?"

"No," I almost howled but just nodded and reached my foot down.

Halfway down the stairs we were on our knees, kindo falling kindo of falling down the stairs. I was pushing all my weight against Buffy but she never seemed to even blink just keep leading me down the stairs. We were almost down when Andi swung the front door open and Bex walked up besides her.

"Oh my god!" "What's going on here?" they said in unison.

I threw my head back and wailed-groaned-screamed in pain. I was crying now, everything hurt so much, I just wanted it to stop.

"We're trying to get down the stairs. I think she's in labor," Buffy said, still calm. I sobbed and groaned again. "No, she's definitely in labor."

"Quick Mom, call the hospital," Andi said all of a sudden waving around a phone that I still don't know where she got it from.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

I was laying on the hospital bed a few minutes after I was admitted, wincing in pain and muttering under my breath.

"She's nine and a half centimeters dilated but not crowning yet, we can still get her an epidural if we hurry," I heard a doctor say around me.

A few seconds later the doctor spoke again, maybe it was a nurse. "Don't inject her Baby A is crowning, she has to deliver now."

It's a little, okay very, blurry from there. The doctor told me how and when to push and then I did and a few pushes later Hudson was born. And the Lucille went into distress and I vaguely remember something about a c-section being said and then I woke up two hours later both of them wrapped in warm blankets, laying on my chest.

"Was it worth the pain?" Buffy asked me.

Quite frankly, she scared me, I hadn't seen her tucked away in the corner. But, I was very glad she was here.

"Yes, so many times yes. But never again. I have enough baby for forever," I said, giving each baby a kiss on the head.

"Yeah," she said distractedly. She stood up and walked towards my general direction. She ended up sitting on the bed near my hip and looking at me with her eyes that were never emotionless. She gave the half-smile of someone who's about to do something they'll regret, lips quirking up at one time, eyes screaming for help. She leaned forward and kissed the center of my forehead.

I felt my breathing go erratic and my pulse quicken. Her hands touched my cheeks and her lips brushed against mine, like asking for permission. I leaned forward - as much as I could without disturbing my babies - and pressed my lips against hers.

I heard heels clicking in the doorway and lightly pushed Buffy off and looked over. Mum, Emily and Allison were standing there.

"Amber Olivia Reversi," she said ina huffed out, angry breath.

I rolled my eyes, raised my eyebrows a little and gave her a sarcastic smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Came to see the grandbabies since I wasn't told when you went into labor," she snipped.

I rolled my eyes again and pointed past her to the door. "Out, you're not welcome here," I said coolly but firmly.

She shook her head like she was confused.

"Out," I reiterated.

She sighed in her usual disapproving way but turned in left.

Allison waited until she was definitely gone before stepping fully inside with Emily and closing the door behind her.

"That was tense," Emily offered as an ice breaker.

"It's been like that for the last what, six and a half months," I said, wiggling into an all the way upright seated position.

"By the way…" Allison said, looking out of the sides of her eyes at Emily. "Someone owes me twenty buckaroos."

I expected Emily to just roll her eyes and say no but she pulled a twenty out of her purse and slapped it into Allison's hand.

"Why do I continue to put up with your gambling tendencies," Emily remarked out loud but to herself. "Lily and Grace are going to end up with gambling addictions. And then I'm blaming you."

"Now, now," Allison said, but she was looking so fondly at Emily.

"What were you betting on?" Buffy asked, uprighting herself to and looking at the two grown women.

"You two," Emily said bluntly.

Buffy's mouth opened and closed like a fishes but I shook my head like I'd been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"How did I know?" I said.

"Because it's meant to be?" Allison said sardonically, but the flutter in my heart told me she may not have been completely lying.

/||\\\/||\\\/||\\\

"So, I've been thinking," I said, wringing a towel in my hands as I sat next to Buffy on the porch swing. I looked at the toddlers in the grass with my sister.

"About what," Buffy answered, not showing any emotion. Which was very nerve wracking at a time like this.

"I think we shouldn't date, because if it doesn't work out I don't want it to affect the twins," I blurted, turning my head to look at her.

She turned her entire body to face me, tears bubbling into her eyes, I could see them very clearly but she was trying, really trying not to cry. She took a few shaky deep breaths and rolled her head in a circle before looking at me again. "I think that's best too," she choked out. The fifteen-year-old with kinky, brown curls in a high ponytail put a slender hand under my chin and lifted it up. She looked into my eyes, dead on and brushed her lips across mine one more time before jumping up and running off.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Just to recap, after the loss of Amanda, Amber decided to name the twins Lucille and Hudson instead of Marilyn and Jasper. Also, this will be the last chapter before the epilogue so thank you for reading, reviewing, following, etc. etc. I'll an update if I decide to make a sequel.**_


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